For so long, we heard Texas was the most wonderful place to live. It was a dream of ours to end up there one day! Little did I know, it would be right around the corner! I imagined this incredible life in Texas with my family-- the perfect house, the sweetest friends, being able to do service and live the gospel outside of the "mormon bubble" as we call it, back home in Utah. I knew there would be a transition and I knew it wouldn't be easy at first, but I had hope for a smooth move. I couldn't believe how quickly we got things packed up and how much support we had from family, friends, and ward members to get the truck loaded and ready to go. Brian's new job supported our move financially, my stepdad flew out to drive the moving truck, and somehow I miraculously sold the townhouse in 4 days! I felt like this decision was meant to be, everything fell perfectly into place.
We sat together as a family in our overly packed car, following my stepdad in the moving truck, which was filled with everything we own and towing our second car, and we drove away from the only place I've ever called home. At first, I smiled, excited to take on this new life we were about to embark on. Then, I was overcome with fear, realizing we were leaving everything we've ever known. My comforts, my friends, my dad, and this place where I felt safe and understood.
We arrived in Texas after three days of driving and living in hotels, only to learn our dream apartment we found online, was anything but a dream. It was somewhat of a nightmare actually, in a community that has experienced multiple shootings and being white was the minority. I suddenly felt scared and lost. We had no place to move into and my mom had made the 6 1/2 hour drive to meet us there and help us unpack. Brian was to start his new job in two days and there was no way we would have a place to live by then. It just wasn't an option at this point. In that moment, I thought we had made the worst decision of our lives. How could we, as parents, put our children in this situation and how could we, as a family, be homeless on our first night in Dallas? My world was crashing down.
Lucky for us, Texas is full of some really amazing people with the most genuine and loving hearts I've ever met! With the help of my mom and step-dad, we stayed in a nice hotel for those three homeless days. The hotel staff was beyond generous. They provided us with laundry soap and dryer sheets to use their laundry facility and wash our clothes, they provided free snacks and meals for us and our kids, and they lowered our rates to make it more affordable. They did everything they could to put smiles on our faces and make this inconvenient trial, easier. We found a cute apartment complex in the outskirts of Fort Worth. They had a brand new side to their development with units that are still being developed. From the second we walked in, they were helpful and kind. They worked diligently with us, getting all the paperwork and background checks done as soon as possible so we could get in first thing Monday morning! They were our rays of sunshine on our gloomy first week here, particularly the guy we were working with. He became our first real friend here.
The first couple of weeks were hard. First of all, the BUGS!! Oh my gosh, I am over the creepy crawlers and scorpions! Ha ha! I had moments where I felt strong and I felt like I could take on the task of my disastrous, unpacked apartment on my own, while being a mom to three kids as my husband was starting a new job and figuring out his roles and responsibilities. These moments of confidence were always followed by a day of meltdowns, however, from a tired, lonely, and scared woman, questioning if I could handle three kids on my own without my nanny and family support, continuing to run and manage Anberly, and making this place feel like home for my family. Somehow, we are all surviving and slowly, but surely, I got the house put together! For the first time this week, I feel like we've got a new routine and I believe I truly can do this.
Changing my license plates and drivers license were the major moments of clarity where the permanence of our move finally felt real. They were both exciting and scary. It's so exciting to be on this new adventure with my little family and to start over in an unknown place just waiting to be explored. Texas really is beautiful and the people are one in a million. But, it's scary and even a little sad, leaving behind the place we've called home for all our lives. We miss our friends and families so much, I've had a lot of moments of feeling alone. I miss feeling balanced and whole and having all of my favorite people and places within reach whenever I need them. Though my journey through life has been hard and though I've made mistakes, they made me better and they made me who I am. It's weird being away from all those places that held the memories of my past. It's bittersweet thinking of our goodbye, leaving the place we met and fell in love, where we got married and brought three beautiful kids into this world, and shared so much joy and love. However, I remind myself daily that I have a chance at a fresh start and there are so many memories ready to be made!
The moments of truth... I'm officially a Texan!
So, here we are Dallas, arms wide open, ready to take on all the new experiences you have to offer! You're starting to tear down my walls of fear and I am slowly falling in love with your beauty and the people who reside here.
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